The Droppin Well bombing. December 6, 1982,

how spooky to be reading your post my wife was at the drop inn well that night and has just shown me a picture of valerie she was freinds with her you may remember betty smyth we took over from the cheshire,s in 84 she told me about it but she tends to keep it in i have offered to take her to the remebrace services but she wont go so i dont push her i let her deal with it in her own way she wouldnt even claim a penny of which she was entitled saying there was worse off than me that night she has a point i suposse thats why we are still toghether 28 years later she,s made of strong stuff god love her

I am, at this moment writing a letter to a certain Mrs Cooke. I have never met the lady, and probably I never will, but it is important for me to tell her what her daughter said to me that evening. I of course, couldnt be arsed with words that night, there were people dying after all and I didnt have time for all that sh1t.

For 29 years I have struggled with the words that brave young girl said to me, she was by far the bravest person I knew that night. She was 21, beautiful (ask anyone) and bright as a button when it came to squaddie "put-downs". She was as I have stated elsewhere, way above me in the food chain but there she was with her insides out for want of a better expression.

She simply said to me "Paul, tell my mummy I love her".......thats why I have to tell Mrs Cooke her daughters last words to me!!

Bean

......now dry your eyes you sad lot........live with it as I do.

The fact that she called me Paul made me cry that evening!

Bean,

Mr and Mrs Cooke have since passed on. Granny Cooke (as i called her) she was my dads Aunt and i never left the cookes site. Its good to know that Pat had a friend to comfort her at that time and i know Granny would have loved to have met and spook to you. They never got over the lost and i know today that Pats brother is going through a tormented time, they would simply be happy to know Pat was in good hands. This has also helped me a little but knowing Pat she put a lot of you "squaddies" in your place in her very kind and polite manners :) with a goode knock back line...

Cheers

The well is in the hands of the bank atm. Not sure on the plans but i kow that a contractor has been gutting it on the banks behalf.

Ref the hotel for the causeway coast, this will have no impact in bring people to drink in the well, its a distance away from each other. Portrush is closer, and with the Irish open on soon, nothing could have helped the well say open. Its a big gamble imo to take on the bar as BEAN as mentioned, i welcome anyone that thinks they can reopen it as a bar, but i feel it will need more than memories to make a go of it. Economics have seen a decline of punters go there which led to the closure, money is not about to spend as it was 30 years ago.
A Naffi bar with all the influx of new tenants in the army housing would be a better bet, just!

Im from Ballykelly, hoping that the bar is reopened and rename the "Well" before the 30th anniversary, but i feel it will still be closed as said previous, its a quiet area with an hotel and another bar there.

It holds a lot of memories and nightmares for me personally, locals never talk about the bomb, this generation dont even know it happened, but its in the front of my mind every day.

There is a memorial in the village which will host the 30th anniversary in dec, moved from the barracks to the Tamlaght church grounds before the troops moved out.

I joined this forum a while ago to follow the posts on the well, and to add my input, but i never could finish the articles i started - with the pain i was going through.
It took me 28 years before the pain finally took its toll, but hopefully im getting better and stronger each day since a had a breakdown in late 2010.

My Story:
I was working behind the bar that night, and still have the nightmare and memories. Everyday i wonder why i survived and PAT didnt?
Its good to read the posts about the well, the thoughts on the people that died and also the memories that we as survivors have to cope with.
Hopefully i can reply to others as the time comes closer to DEC, and i may even meet some of you at the memorial this year.
I will update the situation details on the WELL if and when i hear whats happening to it.

Martin

Whatever you decide to do, do with the right 'head' on Bean - and in this climate it has to be the cold, realistic business head.

It is a possibility for growth - if the hotel development intended for the Causeway coast is not held up, a revived Droppin' Well may gain some trade due to an influx for the golf, but I would look long and hard before letting your heart make a decision your pocket might regret.

Can I suggest something? If you really want to make a mark, something to remember the Fallen by, see if there is a memorial to the atrocity or one to those killed in the area. There was one built in Kilkeel for those killed in S Armagh - it might prove to be enough of a tribute if you could assist in having one built in a suitable location.

Something to consider.

Stevie,

If I had the money and wished to reopen it would it be welcomed?

Might and might!

bean.

Im going for a look again this weekend with my family to see what the potential is.

[On1on]

NIVA helped me cope with my guilt and the one thing I have done and why I still stick around is, as Stevie said... forgiven myself. Thanks all.

....

Bean, since the old MQs were sold off the local area has...let's say, 'changed' to a degree.
Whoever decides to do something with the old place will fall into certain criteria that fits in with the local population, so to speak.
And the money to set up or revive such a property is, bluntly, just not there anymore, unless you are laundering money for certain organisations.....ah, that don't exist anymore, we're at peace, silly me.

Guys,

its been a while.....I went to Ballykelly yesterday and to my disappointment the droppin well is now derelict. Does anyone know what the plans are for it? I now live in NI (could never leave the place) and would love to see it restored instead of festering away as it seems to be at the moment.

Stevie, Thanks and so eloquently put. No 2 people are the same, we all have different experiences and as you say, we all have our own path to tread.

I wholeheartedly thank you guys who have sympathised, questioned and even taken the mickey at times. I have been in a massive hole for a long long time but could never admit it until recently....because you folk here allowed me to offload! so applaud yourselves as you are acheiving something you never logged on to do.

I, on the other hand, whilst going through this have found an empathy with others who may not have been there, as well as those who were.

I might have to post a follow on at sometime, but for me at the moment I have to rest mentally and get on with my life for a little. I will naturally follow and comment, but I cant see me posting on this thread for a week or maybe more whilst I concentrate on the things Stevie said.

Just please remember Pat Cooke on the 16th.......I will forever.

Bean.

Well said BigStevie. And very, very true.

Everyone has a path; everyone has a journey that dictates that path.
The problem is that there are very few 'signposts' and it is the like of this thread - and the site in general - that can help in defining the path.

People on this site have probably tried or followed, or attempted to, many (if not all) of the different types of means that are available for finding ways through the dealing process. As has been said before, it is not a single procedure, it continues throughout our lives, it changes as we change and as the form in which our traumas change. Deal with one aspect, and another comes forward. Bit like the bloke on the stage running from one spinning plate to another, trying to keep them from hitting the deck.

The first important thing to realise - and this has become evident to some who have added to this thread - that you are not alone. To one extent or another, in different combinations, whatever way you suffer has been experienced by others on the site. Someone will always have been where you are - they might have come through it and have lessons to pass on, a solution to offer, or just be able to say '****, that's where I have been before'.
You can be absolutely sure of that fact.

This also works the other way - someone can come on and be describing how they have been torn by some sequence of internal trauma, and it will be like a lightbulb coming on in recognising something you have felt or suffered.
You can be absolutely sure of that fact, too.

But the key to the whole thing is talking - here, among your comrades. What you suffer, what returns again and again, has been felt so many times by others and to see someone else talking about it can be like opening a curtain to the light - in helping oneself, you are helping others too. They might not admit it, they might not say openly, or it may just come in a PM to you, "I felt this way, I didn't know anyone else did". What is vented here is for the good of all of us.
God Knows, what someone suffers now might be just around the corner for someone else and your putting it on here might just help them prepare, or even deal with, something that has yet to show itself completely.

Because a lot of what is suffered creeps up slowly; in small things, behaviour changes, that can go un-noticed other than by those we share our lives with, until the dam bursts. We are often the last to know - or, the last to admit - that there is something deep, from the past, that needs to be allowed out and dealt with.

I'm preaching to the converted here, I'm sure; it comes quietly, slowly, creeps up from the background, or it just comes in a bloody wave one day, at work, in a restaurent, walking the dog, driving alone. Or both.

It can take years to grow, to beat down the box we have placed it in, or it can be with us throughout our lives. And not only with us but also our loved ones, who often can only stand by helpless, not knowing how to help but also perhaps not even knowing why you have changed. They need to know, to understand, so they can help you work through it. It is not weakness, you will be strong again, but to continue with them in the dark can be self-defeating - for everyone. They are your greatest strength, and your greatest reason to keep going.

Talking here is a start, and can be a 'refresher' during the journey. A recharge of strength, a release.

The other thing to remember is - forgive yourself. Blame is often self-inflicted; what happened, happened; it was not your fault, and you could not have changed things. Nothing you do to yourself during your life will change things and will not change the past. Be fair to yourself; they would not want you to do this to yourself.

Instead, live your life for them: do all the things that they did not get chance to do, in their memory. Make your life as happy and meaningful as you can, in their place. Not only for yourself but for the people in your life, too. This is the greatest honour we can give them.

Keep talking folks, feel the springs ease.

rctvet, I know where you have been and you are obviously a bit further along the road than I. I havent quite got to the padded cell state yet, but I am on a dose of anti-depressants that would even make victor meldrew "the life and soul of a party". As the verve once said "the drugs dont work"......that is my contribution to popular culture for the day!!

Mate, every day is a struggle and whilst I know I can be diagnosed with a named condition, I am unwilling to submit myself to examination just yet in the hope that I can get through it, and you guys are helping me by reading this drivel online. Its not that I cannot, I just will not. I may well be at the end of my career within the army, but I wish to leave with my head held high and not as the depressed **** that was forced to leave.

So.....as I finish my career (job) at the end of 2012, I just would love to see everyone who was there that night supporting each other on Dec 6th with their families at a get together in the droppin well with a few moments of peace at 2315 in memory of those who have left us....then just get right royally ****ed knowing that it has gone and we should move on!....

What are the thoughts of the others on here?

Open invite to NIVETs............

Bean.

Bean, self rehabilitation is an ongoing thing which we all have to do, the alternative is lots of drugs and a padded cell!
I know where you are coming from with regards to getting treatment but for me the biggest revelation was finding out there was actually something wrong with me and it had a name! The guy in BMH Rinteln who treated me as an outpatient for 12 months was brilliant, nothing was ever entered on my medical records, at my request, and if i had any hassle from the unit over attending for treatment he would be on the phone teelling them i needed treatment for some imaginary injury.
I have been out for 15 years now but listening to the news i thought treatment had improved and prejudices resolved.
Hang on in there mate you are not alone, as i have discovered this last week.

[spanner]

As a person who was caught in a bomb blast, I can tell you it is nothing like the film or tv version, people do not jump in the air shouting 'aarrgh' pick themselves up and walk away dusting themselves of, they rip to pieces, I have seen that hundreds of times since the actual event in 71, in Kens book Bloody Belfast, the bit where the pressure wave knocked me out seems to have vannished during printing, anyway, my world went totally blank, no sight sound or feeling and definitely no sense of time. Can you imagine how many times I wished that I had been knocked out BEFORE I saw what I saw ? As I have said before, I was not an alcoholic, I became a workaholic, good for the bank balance but not for the family life, my better half stuck by me, 42 years on the 20/12, waking up is a bonus, going to sleep was always scary for me because that is the time the flashbacks would usually come. Keppra still works for me so I am very lucky that way.